What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
