Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
