I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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