so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
