In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
