i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
