you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
