I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
