you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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