I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
