Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
