he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
