Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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