i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
