I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
