Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
