Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
