she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
