You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
