No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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