It's Friday. Sex?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
