i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
