My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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