i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
