People with herpes should wear stickers.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
