M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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