if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
