I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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