The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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