You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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