I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
