I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i've created a new STD.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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