He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
