You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
