i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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