He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
