She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
