I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
