I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Success! We fucked roommates!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
