I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
