I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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