I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
