There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
