I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
