first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
