Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
