hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
