So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
