just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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