I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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