Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
