Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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