2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
