in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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