So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
