i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
