I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
