Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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