I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
