So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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