I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
