Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
