I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
