You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
