rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
