ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
