Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
