why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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